Better Self-Esteem

When I take a look at the wider picture of human society, it is easy to see that the way we currently live in the developed world is out of touch with our natural biological evolution. Our brains and bodies are the way they are because of our hunter-gatherer roots. Biological evolution is a lot slower than technological evolution and we have not yet caught up. We are designed to be physically active - our current habits of sitting behind a computer or being glued to a screen are unhealthy and it's easy to see the evidence in the increasing levels of physical and mental ill-health.

However, it is my opinion that our current outlook and treatment of mental health is also wrong. The statistics say that 1 in 4 people have mental health problems. In my own personal experience, most of my best friends have some kind of 'disorder', have been on anti-depressants or had counselling. At what point do we ask WHY most people are suffering in this way? At what point do we say that there is something wrong with our culture, rather than something wrong with the people who are unhappy in it? Look at the way mass society stigmatises depression. Medicine does much the same.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Krishnamurti

There must be evolutionary benefit in being anxious or depressive, otherwise it would not be so prevalent today. It must have paid off for our ancient ancestors to be wary or pessimistic and hence it is a trait that remains in the human brain. Why are we constantly bombarded with the message that it is wrong to be miserable? Why shouldn't we be, sometimes? If you're depressed or have low self-esteem, you're told that you should be happy, that you have the problem and that you should change. What a way to make a person feel better! Where is the assessment of the CAUSE of that unhappiness? We each have an individual and collective responsibility in society and our collective treatment of people suffering from depression may not help them, as individuals, to overcome it.

The capitalist system is sustained by low self-esteem. Consumerism convinces us that if we bought the latest piece of clothing/anti-wrinkle cream/self-help book, we might finally be happy with ourselves. The media literally harrasses us with images of digitally enhanced perfection that we should all strive to be. The media also surrounds us with idealistic images of love and happiness that are unattainable. For people surrounded by this kind of message, it's no surprise that we all feel inadequate and spend our money on trying not to be.

Why should we be discouraged from constantly questioning the world around us? Why should we be discouraged from wanting things to change? Our greatest progress has come from minds that worked in this way. Some of our greatest thinkers were 'mental'.

“All men who have attained excellence in philosophy, in poetry, in art and in politics, even Socrates and Plato, had a melancholic habitus; indeed some suffered even from melancholic disease.” Aristotle

We should not be telling people who are depressed just to 'get better'. And we could be wasting their potential for changing things in a positive way for all of us by making them feel even worse about themselves or telling them to pop a pill and shut up moaning. My best friends are all a bit 'mental', for me, they are the most interesting people.

Taking an anti-depressant is not going to resolve the underlying cause of mental unrest.

If your life bothers you, what you need to realise is that you CAN often do something about it. You can feel empowered to change the things that make you unhappy. We must help others to reach their potential as much as we must fulfil our duty to reach our own.
One of the most important lessons I learnt last year, was coming to accept the things I could not change in the world and not waste my mental or physical energy on them. It's part of the reason I do not watch television, listen to the radio or read the papers (see previous blog). I cannot stop war. I cannot stop natural disasters. I cannot fix the problems of a global economic system. But, I know what I can change to make my own life better (switching off the TV was one of those things).

I read a book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' and it talked about 'working within your circle of influence'. It is no use concerning yourself with things beyond your own personal control. But things like who you spend your time with and what you spend your time on are things you do have control over. You are solely responsible for your mental outlook. Nobody else controls that but you. Once you realise how easy it is to change your attitude, the more empowered you feel and the easier it becomes to change other things in your life.

I may not be able to cause world peace. But I can try to ensure that my treatment of other people is respectful and that difficulties are resolved rationally and peacefully.

“To bring peace to the world, you must strive to make your own life peaceful.”


But to say that life should always be easy would be wrong. There is something very nourishing about facing hardship and overcoming it. What's important is recognising when you are putting yourself or others through hardship unnecessarily.

This link takes you to an article that suggests that depressive people, IF they make decisions, make better ones than non-depressed people (having spent much longer thinking about it):

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/05/does-depression-help-us-think-better/

For me, the trick is knowing the difference between when to think and when to act.

Better Confidence - The Benefits of Martial Arts

Men are physically stronger than women. Unfortunately, it's a fact and one I've not wanted to admit, until recently when I was forced to. I've always been an advocate of equality, especially between men and women, but in the realm of physical strength, I am unable to make that claim.

The study of martial arts is something that can help empower women against men. I started a form of Kung Fu called Wing Chun in May 2009; the whole principle of the system is that intelligent movement can overcome strength. It takes dedication and practise, because it is about coordinating your body to react in a certain way to threats, but after time, I truly believe that it can give anybody who practises it a greater sense of control and confidence.

Wing Chun

The story goes that Wing Chun was a female nun who helped invent the fighting system for a princess. The princess was supposed to marry a king, but didn't want to, and so proposed that if he could beat her in a fight, he would be able to take her hand in marriage. The nun taught her how to win this fight.

This may be myth or legend or complete poppycock, however the principles of Wing Chun are feminine ones. It is not about opposing force, but redirecting it; not offering resistance but adapting. It is a beautiful and intelligent art that incorporates Taoist principles with basic principles of physics to make an efficient, effective fighting system. If somebody attacks you, Wing Chun teaches you to anticipate it by refining your sensory perceptions; both visually and through touch. It is about training a sensitivity to the movement of others. You will know where your opponent intends to strike and where best to strike them before they get to you. You can redirect the force of an attack easily and in the most efficient way, often by using your opponent's energy against them.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." Charles Darwin

Wing Chun is based on some simple principles, such as protecting your centre, keeping a certain angle in the way you hold your arms, taking the shortest route to a strike, adapting to change and flowing like water.

You have to study physical and psychological coordination intricately. I enjoy it for so many reasons, not least because of my personal interest in Taoist thought, but I truly believe it can enrich your life in so many ways. It is a lesson in discovering yourself mentally and physically. Physically, by giving you a much more heightened awareness and respect for your own body as well as a confidence in mastering it and using it to master others, and psychologically by developing your response to situations of high anxiety and stress. Through it, you learn to master your fears.

In short, Wing Chun can give you the confidence to feel like you could win a fight, and sometimes that can mean the difference in whether someone attacks you or not. Sometimes, looking like a victim can turn you into one. My teacher told a story about a time when he was threatened outside a club, by someone who had picked up a weapon, but because he clearly looked like he was assessing how to defend, the attacker backed off. If they think you'll give them too much of a hard time, they might leave you alone. Unless you come across somebody who is properly deranged, most human beings do not like confrontation, especially if the fight is not easily won, otherwise it is contrary to their own survival mechanisms. Intimidating behaviour is often a front, but for those occasions when it isn't, it helps to have practised some intelligent ways of defending yourself.

Kung Fu really changed my life; I discovered that my emotional and psychological wellbeing depends on my physical self. I take much more care of my body - once I got past beginner grades, I really developed a heightened understanding of what it means to look after myself. I stopped smoking, I eat better and I took up running. I'm much more coordinated and at ease in my body. I got a lot of self-esteem from it.

"Kung Fu's principle aim is to give you the tools to defeat the only opponent that can never be run away from".

I'm lucky enough to train at Cambridge Kung Fu, under Sifu Ross Sargent, with an absolutely fantastic group of people. The classes are relaxed, we often meet socially and talk to each other regularly on Facebook. That said, for those that want to undertake the study of kung fu seriously, the teaching and resources are available and Ross is one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. If you are local to Cambridge, I recommend you have a look at http://www.cambridgekungfu.com/ for more information.

Women's Self Defence

I really feel that martial arts or self-defence classes can help improve the confidence and lives of all women (and men) and would advise everyone to take it up, especially if you have ever suffered an abusive relationship or assault. I personally like to train against men, but if you are female and you don't feel comfortable training alongside men, then women-only classes are available. See http://www.brickhandbag.com/ for an example in the East of England.