Better Self-Esteem

When I take a look at the wider picture of human society, it is easy to see that the way we currently live in the developed world is out of touch with our natural biological evolution. Our brains and bodies are the way they are because of our hunter-gatherer roots. Biological evolution is a lot slower than technological evolution and we have not yet caught up. We are designed to be physically active - our current habits of sitting behind a computer or being glued to a screen are unhealthy and it's easy to see the evidence in the increasing levels of physical and mental ill-health.

However, it is my opinion that our current outlook and treatment of mental health is also wrong. The statistics say that 1 in 4 people have mental health problems. In my own personal experience, most of my best friends have some kind of 'disorder', have been on anti-depressants or had counselling. At what point do we ask WHY most people are suffering in this way? At what point do we say that there is something wrong with our culture, rather than something wrong with the people who are unhappy in it? Look at the way mass society stigmatises depression. Medicine does much the same.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Krishnamurti

There must be evolutionary benefit in being anxious or depressive, otherwise it would not be so prevalent today. It must have paid off for our ancient ancestors to be wary or pessimistic and hence it is a trait that remains in the human brain. Why are we constantly bombarded with the message that it is wrong to be miserable? Why shouldn't we be, sometimes? If you're depressed or have low self-esteem, you're told that you should be happy, that you have the problem and that you should change. What a way to make a person feel better! Where is the assessment of the CAUSE of that unhappiness? We each have an individual and collective responsibility in society and our collective treatment of people suffering from depression may not help them, as individuals, to overcome it.

The capitalist system is sustained by low self-esteem. Consumerism convinces us that if we bought the latest piece of clothing/anti-wrinkle cream/self-help book, we might finally be happy with ourselves. The media literally harrasses us with images of digitally enhanced perfection that we should all strive to be. The media also surrounds us with idealistic images of love and happiness that are unattainable. For people surrounded by this kind of message, it's no surprise that we all feel inadequate and spend our money on trying not to be.

Why should we be discouraged from constantly questioning the world around us? Why should we be discouraged from wanting things to change? Our greatest progress has come from minds that worked in this way. Some of our greatest thinkers were 'mental'.

“All men who have attained excellence in philosophy, in poetry, in art and in politics, even Socrates and Plato, had a melancholic habitus; indeed some suffered even from melancholic disease.” Aristotle

We should not be telling people who are depressed just to 'get better'. And we could be wasting their potential for changing things in a positive way for all of us by making them feel even worse about themselves or telling them to pop a pill and shut up moaning. My best friends are all a bit 'mental', for me, they are the most interesting people.

Taking an anti-depressant is not going to resolve the underlying cause of mental unrest.

If your life bothers you, what you need to realise is that you CAN often do something about it. You can feel empowered to change the things that make you unhappy. We must help others to reach their potential as much as we must fulfil our duty to reach our own.
One of the most important lessons I learnt last year, was coming to accept the things I could not change in the world and not waste my mental or physical energy on them. It's part of the reason I do not watch television, listen to the radio or read the papers (see previous blog). I cannot stop war. I cannot stop natural disasters. I cannot fix the problems of a global economic system. But, I know what I can change to make my own life better (switching off the TV was one of those things).

I read a book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' and it talked about 'working within your circle of influence'. It is no use concerning yourself with things beyond your own personal control. But things like who you spend your time with and what you spend your time on are things you do have control over. You are solely responsible for your mental outlook. Nobody else controls that but you. Once you realise how easy it is to change your attitude, the more empowered you feel and the easier it becomes to change other things in your life.

I may not be able to cause world peace. But I can try to ensure that my treatment of other people is respectful and that difficulties are resolved rationally and peacefully.

“To bring peace to the world, you must strive to make your own life peaceful.”


But to say that life should always be easy would be wrong. There is something very nourishing about facing hardship and overcoming it. What's important is recognising when you are putting yourself or others through hardship unnecessarily.

This link takes you to an article that suggests that depressive people, IF they make decisions, make better ones than non-depressed people (having spent much longer thinking about it):

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/05/does-depression-help-us-think-better/

For me, the trick is knowing the difference between when to think and when to act.

Better Media

I have never owned a TV since moving out of my mum's place. When I tell people this, I get a mixture of reactions. Some are approving and among them I may find the fellow TV-less types. Some think I just say I don't have a TV to be 'trendy'. Some realise I can't possibly be trendy if I haven't seen the latest great comedy or drama series. Some people can't fathom what life would be like without a TV and thus find it exceptionally difficult to talk to me, since I haven't got a single response to their comments about what was on last night. TV is a hot topic and so by not having one, in some senses I am outcast from mainstream conversation.

What a shame.

I hate the prevalence of fear-mongering and the destruction of self-esteem that is the result of the majority of our media. I believe that the media has a responsibility to inform accurately, without bias and at present we've got it all wrong. Largely, what I read or see tells me that everyone's a shitbag, the world's absolutely fucked and that I look nothing like I should do, in fact, I'm rather ugly. Which you can imagine, is very depressing.

I'm sorry but my thighs aren't silky smooth, a nice brown colour or bald. My boobs aren't pert and disproportionately large compared to my really tight six-pack and complete lack of body fat. My hair isn't naturally light blonde, my face isn't symmetrical and yes, I have wrinkles at 25. I'd rather not be told that what I'm not, is what I'm supposed to be.

And I don't want to live my life vicariously through the characters of EastEnders or Coronation Street. I want to live my own life, have my own experiences and judge life by those experiences rather than by someone else's. Why would I want to spend my free time in front of a screen, within the same four walls, spending my life transfixed by the pretend experiences of an actor rather than enjoying my own? Yes, I could watch X Factor and pretend that if they can be a pop star, so could I. Or I could just advertise for some local musicians or singers and try and set up my own little pop group. Maybe practise down at my local studio for a tenner an evening and eventually play a few gigs in my local pubs. I might not get a £1 million record contract, but then I also wouldn't have to lick Simon Cowell's arse, or become the image I so readily berate for it's effect on the self-esteem of young people today.

It is utterly wrong that we live in an age where we continue to murder and exploit each other. The Western world rapes other countries of their natural resources without paying fair trade prices; it claims to be fighting for human rights through murder and war and is the biggest cause of the irresponsible environmental destruction that will ultimately destroy all of us. We need to manage ourselves and our resources better.

Constantly being bombarded by information about what a bad world we live in is not conducive to a rich and fulfilled life. And a rich, fulfilled life is one that contributes in a positive way to the society of which it is a part. 

It is not because I think that what goes on in places other than my back yard is unimportant. It's terribly important. But I personally can not change government policy or come up with an alternative economic system to replace capitalism. And so, I simply try to do my best within my back yard and, for my own sanity, I've switched off the shitbox. Because for the most part, I find it depressing. And it would be depressing for me to look back on the last year of my life and realise that I spent the majority of my free time doing nothing but watching television.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Buddhist prayer.

I just think it is important to be careful about what you listen to and how you spend your time. We are constantly bombarded by information, advertising and media that reduces our self-esteem to keep us spending and glued to the telly. I would rather be socialising or doing something creative.

I think that the internet is one of our best media sources since it allows you to pick and choose what you watch. There's a plethora of educational information, available from qualified experts in their field. One of the best websites I have found recently is http://www.ted.com/. I want to tell you why.


 TED is a hub for humanity's best ideas. It features short video talks by educated people from all over the world; astronomers, biologists, psychologists, ecologists, satirists and many other fabulous 'ists' who have something positive to say about the world.

I'll tell you about some talks I watched recently. The first was by Jill Tarter, Director of SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) and described how she wished for more people to become engaged in the work SETI undertakes. She reminds us of how very small our planet is in the context of the whole universe and how finding life somewhere else within it may help to unite us as earthlings. Human beings are, at present, divided. Into tribes, countries, religions and more. She reminds us that we all share one home, which we should take care of.

The second talk I watched was by marine biologist, Sylvia Earle. She urges us to take a good look at the devastation we are causing to the ecosystems of the ocean and how heavily we rely upon them to survive. Without water, there is no life and we aren't taking any steps to ensure it's conservation. It's a message not necessarily about altruism; we should protect the oceans for our own good. She asks why we're not doing so and describes the true cost of our current fishing habits.

The third talk was by the mighty Eve Ensler, author of 'The Vagina Monologues' and a campaigner for women's rights all over the globe. It was about the current stifling of our 'inner girl'; that part of us (both men and women) that is emotional, has feeling, intuition, compassion, empathy, love. It took my mind off of glass ceilings, of rapes and mutilations, of second class rights and social pressures about appearance or behaviour and reminded me of what's good about being a girl.

I want to tell you about one of the most important talks I've ever watched on TED and that was one by Sir Ken Robinson. In his speech, he talks about the need to revolutionise our education system completely. That, at present, our education system stifles the creativity and talent of our children and in doing so, hampers social progress for all of us. To me, there is nothing more important than ensuring that our children, our future generations, are well informed. Not primed for labour, but actually educated. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/sir_ken_robinson_bring_on_the_revolution.html

These are just examples, but every TED talk I have watched has inspired me, has drawn attention to the bigger picture, has given me hope for the human future. This is the kind of media I want to watch and I hope that everyone can be inspired by TED too. Humanity stands to influence it's own future dramatically; TED gives me hope that we might go in the right direction.

What would you rather watch?